Embracing Hurt

People ignore me a lot 

 as soon as somebody ignores
Me
I know something is wrong or
Something has happened to them that caused them to change
Most of the time
I feel like they want more from me
Which they don’t get
And decide to look elsewhere
And when they do get whatever that is
That they wanted
They start acting up
And that’s okay
That is their choice
It’s what they want
Yes I will get hurt
It will take time to re-adjust
But Ive accepted hurt and throat stones and silent tears on my pillows
I wait for these moments because I know
I will be happier more confident the next day
There will be times I think about the experience but I will have thoughts about how I should have done things better
But one thing is for sure
I am not afraid of getting hurt
I will embrace it for a moment
And then I will move on with my life
A simple process that is very effective
So if you want to leave
I will help you pack your thoughts
Gather your explanations
And leave you at the door I will watch you walk away
I will cry
But when the door closes
I am cleansed of you
And I will go on living.

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Stressful FearĀ 

Sometimes I wonder 

How God sees me
I feel like I’ never do anything good
I feel so bad about myself
I tend to see myself as worthless
And I’m just not satisfied with anything that I am blessed with

I try to be good
But I end up telling myself of everything
Then the cycle repeats
I start comparing myself to others

How come I don’t have nice hair
Nice skin complexion
Nice teeth
Great height
Play sport
Sing on stage and hit the right notes
All that comes to mind
And I feel like at this stage
I’m never content

I wish I could see what he sees
šŸ˜•

A letter to my sisterĀ 

Firstly I respect your decision to choose whoever you want to be with because that is your right. However I just feel like certain things should be considered when making decisions because there are consequences that come with those decisions.
If you have to narrow down your choices then be clear you need to be able to choose someone who complements you not demands from you the way your sister does. An equally supportive person will pull his weight regardless of how much he is earning.

Also I see it unfair that you highly prioritize them now when I still depend on you, yes I’m being selfish but I’m sorry but my sister is mine and I’m not ready to share not as yet from all aspects. I feel like you don’t want to be caught but because you know I won’t have attitude doesn’t mean you ignore. It clearly shows that I am your responsibility  not them, and when you do that it doesn’t make me feel good in anyway that my own sister does this to me.

Grooming has also become an issue. I feel that the culture your being highly influenced by is allowing you to settle for less. Simple things like brushing your teeth and wearing clothing that fits and matches is becoming abnormal to you  when 10 years back these things were paramount. You never left the house wearing mismatched items. And I fail to understand how a routine is lost in a space of a few months.

Spiritually you know what level you are at. I will not take the work of the Holy Spirit and tell you to change this this that. Unfortunately I’m not divine authority. So I feel like this issue is yours alone I don’t have the right to say anything because we were instilled with the same morals and values. If you feel your lacking you figure it out but no one has the right to tell you what level you should be at and what you need to do to get to that level.

Lastly in a relationship two people are able to complement each other when they understand and communicate openly about their differences so that they don’t do things to make only one person happy but they do things with an understanding that one individual may not be able to succumb to a few of the demands because it  is not of their concern. Basically a man’s job is not your job. You don’t pick up and fill in gaps for them, you don’t step in on family obligations just because you feel like you have been accepted. Unless of course if your married to them, apart from that as I plainly stated
A MAN’S JOB, OBLIGATIONS AND RESPONSIBILITIES IS NOT YOUR’S!!!!!!!!

Everyone makes mistakes and despite our own problems and how we treat each other and say things about each other i feel like there is still an immense room for improvement and we have that despite everything.

Love you ā¤ā¤ā¤ā¤

Man upĀ 

So this goes out to 

Everybody using perverse and discriminating words of our social media
Especially them boys that are yet to
Enter manhood not because ya’ll are still cruzing in puberty
But common knowledge dictates that at a certain stage in a man’s life
He leaves his childhood ways and focuses on how to prove himself as a real man

Society dictates that you
Get a degree
Get a job
Start a business
Contributing to family decisions
But the ladies desire more
I mean damn prove yourselves
Instead ya’ll wanna let a chick chauffer your ass
Buy food and shelter for yo ass
Nighuh wip up skirt from yo mama’s closet
Co’s you cant stand on your two feet
You need to stand in ovation for your Manhood
Sorry not sorry….

Ordellia

Tonight I think of that woman who asked me,

Where is my son?
I told her her
Where he was,
She asked if he was coming to see her
I told her he would come
She added
I’m waiting for him
If he calls
Tell him I’m waiting.
I had longed to build a relationship with this woman.
She was in every aspect
My kin, my direct source of heritage and so much more.
She had so much high regard for her son, in fact the only time I saw her happy was when she looked at me and my siblings and she shed gallons when farewells drew nigh.
How I lay here and think of all those possible things she could have said to me, things that could be invaluable to me as I passed them on to those i call my own.
But all I have are experiences and lessons learnt.
I can only dream of that conversation I wished I had  and hope that I live to pass on my experience and lessons to those i call my own.

Glaring

I could have missed it
I could have been blinded by it
I don’t know what it is about you
Is it in the way you twich to your music
Is it that weird energy
That I crave
Is it the clean shirt and the long tight pants
That brace those legs all too well

Hopefully you turn this way
Probably IL freeze for a bit
But I do know that the more you stick around the energy you have will attract a glare!!!!

#thedailypost

The dream

We knew each other since high school
And he was the least expected person that I would think of that would hold a gun to my face
As I looked to my horror and helplessness
I could feel betray and hate and I was still confused why
After all these years pretend
If he was unhappy
Why couldn’t he just talk to someone about what he was feeling
He could’ve got the help he needed
Rather then to hurt me
Betray me
And let the years of our friendship
Wash down a drain in one night
I still want an explanation and I await with all these hurt and guilt of friendship memories
I want closure and I want it now more then ever.

Time : 2:52 am
~moresi~